Through a Sista's Eyes

Complicated Love

It seems like love has become overly complicated these days. People are stuck in situationships, unhealthy relationships and unhappy marriages. Why is love such a hard thing to truly obtain?

I think we have done more to complicate love than we have to simplify it and allow it to be what we need it to be in our lives. A lot of women have these fairy-tale notions of love and most of us have unrealistic expectations of one another that make it seemingly difficult to really find someone with whom we can grow with. I’ve seen posts listing what “real” men/women do, and I’m not going to lie I’ve fallen victim to buying in to the hype. But as I’ve grown mentally I realize that there is no all-inclusive list to encompass “real” men/women. We are all very unique individuals with vastly different life experiences, so while those post list some nice qualities no one person is going to possess all those qualities listed. Every single person has a different mindset and different things that they value. What’s important to one person may not be important to the next person.

We have to remove the nonsense from our minds and start thinking more realistically if we are ever going to find someone with whom we would like to share our lives with. We have become our own worst enemies and our biggest downfalls when it comes to love. A lot of us come from broken homes so we don’t have those role models to show us what a real loving relationship looks like. So we start to look at celebrities and try to emulate their relationships, but that isn’t necessarily wise with the way celebrity relationships play out in the media. Personally, I have my Grandparents as an example and I completely admire the example they’ve set for my family. I also know couples who truly have beautiful relationships, and they will be the first to tell you that it’s work to maintain a good relationship. You can see and feel their love when you’re around them, and I tell them how much I admire and respect their relationship. As far as celebrities go, I’ve always been extremely fond of Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee and Malcolm X and Betty. Those are the celebrities whose love endured all things and I would not mind having that kind of love in my life.

Today it seems like people are rushing for love and really don’t have a clue who the person they are rushing to love really is. I’ve been guilty of this and I’ve learned a lot of lessons the hard way, but I’ve learned and to me that’s what’s most important. You have to take some personal accountability in all the areas of your life to see why things are not going the way you think they should be going and your love life is no different. You need to start asking yourself the hard questions and stop being scared to confront your negative behavior. You also have to make sure you are being realistic when it comes to the kind of person you are seeking to share your life with. Are they a good fit for you? Are you a good fit for them? And if you have children or they have children, is that a good fit for their lives? What do you really value? What are you willing to deal with? Have you resolved all the baggage you’ve acquired from previous relationships? Are your heart and mind healed enough to even be moving forward with someone else? Are you financially stable? Are you overly stressed about your life? There are a lot of things you need to examine about yourself to make sure you’re making wise decisions.

Our thoughts also play a part in to the kind of people that come in to our lives. If you keep attracting the same kind of people then you need to stop and focus on the kind of energy you’re sending out into the universe so you can begin to attract the right kind of people. It sounds hard and most people overlook their energy and the part it plays into who comes into their lives, but let me tell you when you start to focus more on you and your energy everything else will fall in to place.

Be realistic, heal yourself and project positive energy so that your love life becomes less complicated and more soulfully fulfilling.



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Soul Food Poems

Soul Food Poems

Dawn Douglas is Soul Food Poems, the soulful poet and writer born and raised in Louisville, KY. She began her love of writing in high school. The poems she wrote during that time became the foundation for her first book of poetry titled “More than Poetry, 1993 until Infinity” published in 2007. In 2013 she published her second book "A Journey through Infinity". She joined the Air Force in 1994 and maintained a love of writing poetry, speeches and short stories. During her 20 year career she performed her poetry and speeches at numerous Open Mic's, Black History Month and Women’s History Month Luncheons, Juneteenth events and retirement ceremonies. She is also the founder of the Facebook group, Positive Educated Black Women, which she created to help unify, support, uplift and to network with other strong black women.

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